1. Prelude (0:48)
2. All Nereids Beware (4:05)
3. One Day Women Will All Become Monsters (3:32)
4. Expired in Goreville (2:55)
5. Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on the Creek (4:40)
6. The Words 'Best Friend' Become Redefined (3:36)
7. Interlude, Pt. 1 (0:59)
8. There's No Penguins in Alaska (4:33)
9. Interlude, Pt. 2 (1:16)
10. We're Gonna Have Us a Champagne Jam (4:19)
11. No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room (5:10)
12. Who's Sandie Jenkins (1:59)
13. To Trixie and Reptile, Thanks for Everything (4:17)

Re-release bonus tracks
14. Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on the Creek (Acoustic) (4:39)
15. Queen of Diamonds (Live/Acoustic/Demo) (2:17)
16. Lindsay Quit Lollygagging (Acoustic) (3:57)