Y-Shaped Thoracoabdominal Incision Lyrics

Alphabetic diagram...
...Of the gross exam...
Medical examiners are detectives, who forensically sift through a body of evidence
It's rarely simple, as you can see...the organs are on the inside
We open up the corpse to find the clues that point to an explanation that might make sense
Let's crack the cadaver open for a little peek and document what we find...
...With scalpel in hand...
...I hatch the plan...
Whether man, woman, child—the procedure is always the same
Beginning the medicolegal autopsy isn't very hard
The thoracoabdominal incision is the name of this turgidly morbid game
And the letter "Y" is the shape that we must carve...
All ME's worth their salt keep a blade of their own
And have their scalpel professionally sharpened, polished, and honed
Because of its ability to cut through skin, meat, gristle, and bone
We keep track of it from the opening of the corpse to when it is sewn...
...I must confess...
...This will make a mess...
...The stiff is ripe and putrefied...
...I scalpel the mephitic skin...
...And trace the letter "Y"...
...So the autopsy begins...
In order to field dress this cadaver we cut from the bottom of the neck to above the crotch
Some pathologists prefer to first puncture the bloated corpse to release built-up methane gas
Simply grasp the scalpel and apply downward pressure at the jugular notch
You'll find the skin will slice like butter, revealing subcutaneous tissue and ballooning yellow fat...
...No time to flinch...
...Only amateurs cringe...
Draw the blade down over the body of the sternum and breastplate
Past the manubrium and xiphoid process and costoxiphoid ligament group
Split the rectus abdominal muscle without a measure of haste
Then stop and wipe your brow and take a moment to recoup...
Peel back the flayed skin and shear it from the muscle sides
Taking the retractors, spread the carcass wide
Costal cartilage snaps from each of the ribs so we may look inside
The inner organs sit on display—glistening—with nothing to hide...
...You've earned your degree...
...In the art of necropsy...
...The stiff is ripe and putrefied...
...I scalpel the mephitic skin...
...And trace the letter "Y"...
...So the autopsy begins...