If You Can’t Fuck It, Duct It Lyrics

You might be a loser,
You still need to get some sooner or later.
Your right hand isn't enough, need for something else than lubricant and Vaseline.
All your socks are stiff as fuck. Fuck it!
If you can't get laid, take a little time off
Travel to the countryside. Duct it!
It won't squeal on you in the same way the ladies do, and it won't laugh at you.
Look at the selection, you can have it all here
Every size of pussy, no matter how depraved.
Go ahead and pick one. They all have their advantages.
Some of them stink, but others smell great!
Fuck it! Come on, get your dick wet.
Don't be a fucking pansy, you'll never get a pussy.
Duct it! If you can't get close, tape it to the bedpost.
Fuck it with your eyes closed
Goats and sheep and pigs, cows, even chicken.
Tape them down and fuck them like a beautiful woman.
Can't get pussy, don't get sad and let your head down,
Ask a farmer, he'll let you in the fucking barnyard.
Do what you will any day.
Every day a wonderland that says "come back with your next pay".
Whoever would've thought that furry little creatures don't just serve for meat and milk?
Never would have guessed what good times are to be had with a cow and lubricant.
Fuck it! No one needs to know this. It can be your secret, you know it's better kept that way.
Duct it! You think you're better than a rapist? The only difference is the diseases you'll catch!
I think I'll spell it out:
Fuck it! Your fucking cock starts itching.
Duct it! Wait 'till you take a leak.
Fuck it! You better count those sheep now.
Duct it! The spanked monkey just bit back.
Fuck it! This shit won't kill me, at least I get pussy! It's been a while.
Duct it! If you wanna fuck it, gotta bring that duct tape every time!