Happy Fornication Lyrics

Have been Mr. Single for a while
Got no females in a square mile.
Already have calluses in my hands,
Too much masturbation no one withstands.

Now and then I try a household device,
But even that won't suffice.
Got myself so delirious
That my neighbor's goat looks kind of vicious.

The other day I whacked off with a plunger
Almost got me a penile puncture.

I'm so happy, ohhh.

Even brought my proctologist appointment ahead
And stuck my dick in a banana bread.
All I wanted was a happy fornication
But chicks don't dig me ‘cause of my genital malformation.

Went down to the bar to get intoxicated
Met some broads and got animated.
Spotted a girl and we drank ‘til late
End up trying to rise the birth rate.

Next morning I had a huge hangover
Still I wish I wasn't sober!
Liquor doesn't teach you to spot a transvestite,
Thought her name was Rita but no, it was Yosemite!