Vaseline Lyrics

(It's not time to masturbate
Just relax, take it easy.
Yours is still small, that's your fault
That's so far you have to grow.

Find an oil, take a porn
If you want, use a Vaseline.
Look at me, mine is old
But I'm fertile.

Mine was once like yours is now
And I know that it's not easy.
It's precum when you've found
Something cumming out.

But take your time, enjoy your porn
Think of everything you've seen.
For your dick will grow tomorrow
But your balls may not.

How can I try to explain?
When I do, my cum goes again.
It's always been a shame
Same old story.

From the moment I could shake
It's always just precum now.
There's a way, and I know
That I have to bang a whore
I know, I have to go...)

There was a virgin named Magdalene
She was told to use Vaseline.
Thought copulating was hard,
And put her vagina on guard.
Got a bit sore from too much male entry,
The guy's burrito wasn't too gentle.
At least there was Vaseline in her crack
Thus she was able to screw Jack.

Vaseline, Vaseline!

There was this fellow homosexual
Thought asses were very sensual.
Had to lubricate the sausage,
To avoid some anal blockage.

Others have to play it solo,
And strangle their own pink oboe.
But don't overdo on masturbation
Or you may find yourself with a penile dislocation.

Sometimes you have to do the plumbing
Before you proceed to the actual humping.
That's why vaseline is the best lubricant
To make your genitals jubilant.